okay

wow,
this is about the longest i've gone without posting. i'm such a loser. it's just that there's different stuff happening and not all of it is blogworthy. or i don't have time.

plus, this is a really strange time in my life. i feel like i did when i was first applying to grad school, where you're in this state of flux as to what your future holds and it's completely out of your hands and you can't make any real decisions about your life until other people make decisions about your life.

you know because all your applications are in, you've gotten them all the necessary paperwork and then you just wait. and hope. and wait. and you can't make any long term commitments until you find out. did you get in? do i have to plan on moving a long way away? how do you prepare when you don't know exactly what you're preparing for.

right now i'm getting close to graduating (i hope) and i've applied for a variety of jobs so hopefully i have a job when i'm done. but if i don't get a job, then i don't want to officially graduate this spring because then once you're out of school then you lose all your (ha! like there are a ton!) of student-y benefits, the main one being that your student loans kick in 6 months after you graduate. there's no sense in graduating if you don't have a job and you've got to start paying on loans.

but if i do get a job then there's all this rush rush to finish because there are certain deadlines you have to meet. blahblahblahbleeblo

and of course i have to totally overthink everything tying up my tiny brain with minutia when i should be focusing on my DISSERTATION.

which, btw, if anyone is wondering. is HARD!